Change is inescapable

And its caught up to me

A few months ago i remember reflecting on how much i'd changed

But just todau im doing it again.

Ive changed even more in the last 3 months

And im liking the person im becoming

And i like the people ive surrounded myself with

Theyre amazing ♥

Sometimes it kills me that i havent given some things to the Lord

But then it fills me with joy when i can let go of things

OMG

I have a thing for boys with cigarettes.

7 Days Without God Makes One Weak.

I can not stand girls who wear tights as pants

Like, seriously

Tights are only okay as pants if youre wearing them with a long shirt/dress

'Cause you know, that's what they're made for

And denim tights?

Oh my gosh they annoy me

Whoever invented them should be slapped in the face

Urgh.

So Mad Max 4 is gunna be filmed next year

I think it will be crap

If 3 is anything to go by

Nothing beats a 20-something Mel Gibson in leather pants
And nothing beats the Nightrider, or the line 'Cundilini Wants His Hand Back!'

Hollywood is crap.

I feel like i cant keep going

Then i pick up my bible

And life becomes amazing.

Dead Poets Society.

We don't read and write poetry because it's cute.
We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race, and the human race is filled with passion.

I love that movie. And i love Gina for copying down that quote. For us :)

I am writing this in the hope that someone will read it and listen

There is an environment rally on Saturday at 2pm on the steps of the Opera House that i'm pretty keen to go to

I obviously need someone to come with me

Is anyone up for it ?

Please ?

Im pms'ing really bad tonight

Its scaring me

Im so frustrated/angry i want to cry.

Roses Are Red

Violets Are Blue

Fuck You Whore.

This is Renee. I haven't seen her for months and months. But she's still one of the closest people to my heart. I treasure her with everything i have and i think i'd be lost without her. I wouldn't be who i am without her, and i don't know what i'd do without her. She has a heart of gold and shes just absolutely gorgeous. She's gotten me through things that no one else even knew about and i still don't know how to thank her.

I dunno, she's amazing and she's become an even more amazing person than when i first met her. I'd be lost without her.

I have a habit of reliving old memories that hurt. Thinking of things i promised i'd never think of again. I don't know why. I wish the past would go away sometimes. I wish it would stop coming back. I wish i'd stop going to back to it.

Ive been riding dirtbikes for the last 5 or so years and i fully intend on getting my bike license next year. But sometimes i think i'm too emotional for motorbikes. All i think about when i'm on one is when i'm going to stack and how much it will hurt. I hate pain. It, along with loneliness, is my biggest fear. I've never had a broken bone. The worst injury i'v ever had was a sprained ankle in year 4. But then i think about how much fun i have when i ride, and the challenges i overcome doing it. It's also one of the only things my Dad and I do together. He puts so much effort into my riding. I wouldn't ave a dirtbike or any of my gear if it wasn't for him. He's really the greatest.

Do you ever wonder if you're the real you? Or if you're just putting a mask over you to make everyone else happy. A mask that you yourself don't even realise is there. I've been known all my life as Chrissy, and to some people most recently Chiz, but sometimes i wonder what it would be like if everyone knew me as Christine. Only one person calls me Christine, my youth leader Taua, i think thats 'cause there was two Chrissy's in our youth group when i joined and she decided i'd be the one who was called by their full name. At the same time i don't want to be known as Christine, because there's other girls at school who go by Christine. And in complete honesty I want to be different. I get irritated when other people call them Chrissy. I just want to run over to that person and remind them that I'm the only Chrissy here. And how do you tell people you want to be known by your full name? What do you just walk up to them and say 'yeah so um call me Christine from now on or i wont talk to you'? I don't like change. It scares me. I think that's why my walk with God is a bit difficult. My parents raised me to be against religion. To think it was a joke. But i kind of have them to thank, because i think without them raising me like that, i wouldn't have received God as greatly as i have.

Today i had an awesome covnersation with Michael Crafter. Who's the lead vocalist of Confession/ex vocalist of I Killed The Prom Queen (rip)/Former Big brother contestant. We only talked about Mad Max. It was awesome. I have a whole new respect for him now.

I should be writing my speech for Australian History at the moment. Maybe writing some notes for English. But instead i am sitting here listening to the Beatles, reading up on Pripyat/The Chernobyl disaster. I don't know why destruction interests me so much. Or more, why people create destruction. I like to research 'monsters' extensively, to try and gain some sort of insight into why, why did they create such destruction? Or, in Hitler's case, why did he murder millions of people?

Because he was a monster is what most people would say, yes? I suppose so. But he was a brilliant one at that. The way he spoke, convinced everyone to believe in his views. He was still a bit of a psycho though.

I think it is because of my interest in why people create destruction that I want to become a psychologist. I like learning, challenging myself. Sometimes.

I have a strange mind. It confuses me. I feel like i'm too level headed sometimes. I like doing things the right way. I like doing things my way though at the same time. I like sitting by myself and not thinking, just listening to music. Staring at an inanimate object. I think i would make an awesome stoner. Though i highly doubt i could ever become one.

I really hate this weather. I want summer. I am too white for even my liking. It's scary. I want to finish school and spend the day sitting in the sun, maybe reading a book, and then spending the night in a random park with some awesome people. I like summer nights. I can't wait for January, it's my favourite. We spend so much time away from home, on the coast, in the country. It's magnificent. I want to try and convince my Dad to let me bring someone down the coast this year. He will probably use the 'but it's not our house' argument again. I wonder if he'd say yes though. I wonder who i'd take. I consider so many of my friends best friends that it's difficult deciding on one. And then there's the matter of the fact that 98% of my friends parents are extremely strict. I'll work it out though.

My minds gone blank now. I think i'll go make some lunch :)

Bit of a genre change for me, but im really diggin this band.

Hey Hey Its Saturday incident.

So if anyone watched Hey Hey It's Saturday last night and saw Red Faces, or if anyone has watched the news today, you'd all know about the Jackson Jive skit and Harry Conick Jr's reaction.

In my honest opinion, i couldn't care less about it. I understand where he's coming from, and his view point, but we're in Australia, not America. We're laid back here, it was a skit that was supposed to be taken light heartedly, and it wasn't performed by a bunch of drunken bogans from the local pub. The men who performed the skit are all doctors for crying out loud, it's not like they're complete idiots.

I mean, yeah if it were America it probably would've started a riot, but again, this isn't America! Get over it. It's not that hard to change the channel if you're offended by it when it begins.

My aunty ordered this necklace for me 4 weeks ago

It should be here by now

But it got back ordered

Im so frustrated

I want it so badddddddd

Aaargh

oh, body issues are fun aren't they.

Sometimes i feel like my efforts aren't enough. Sometimes i feel like they're too much.

Life is difficult.

Nothing's ever easy.

I wish it was.

But then, in a way, i don't. Because its difficulty that truly makes us the people we are.

It's challenges we overcome, persevere through that shape us.

Life is so confusing.

Ahh grand final night is upon us again. One of the best games of the year. And the last one which sucks. My team didnt make it. Which is shit. But they smashed the bulldogs on their last game which is nice :)

The eels and the storm are going against each other for the grand final. I am going for the eels. Purely for the fact that im from Sydney. And also because my cousin might smash me if i dont. I think though, that the storm might win. Mainly because of the season theyve had and their players.

But yeah.

Should be a good game.

Seasons

I remember just after I gave my life to the Lord, i was having a really difficult time with my faith. And after a few weeks i went to my youth leader, Taua, who is absolutely amazing, and i told her what i'd been going through and she explained to me about seasons in God, and she explained how they're not like seasons of the world. And i also figured out that i'd been going through a dry season, or winter.

Anyway, about 7 months ago i started going through another dry season. I stopped going to youth for a couple months, stopped reading my word, barely prayed etc.

And then last night at youth, it broke. During worship. I was so happy i cried. The power of God is amazing, how it can make you feel.

Last night also hit me hard. The preaching. But i love it when sermons hurt you, touch something inside you that you don't want to be touched. Because it's these that make you realise what you need to do to change, to better yourself.

I still have a long way to go, but i know im on the right path now.